it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
zippers are such a cool invention
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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