she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Panties = found
Randomize
