I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
