idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
