We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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