When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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