Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
