I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
