went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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