just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
