Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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