Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
