all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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