I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
