This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am mentally ready for anal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
