The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
