I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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