i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
