My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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