i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
