I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
