I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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