Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
