Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
