chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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