I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
