Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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