There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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