ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
