Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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