saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
