I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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