both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
