hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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