where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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