I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
