Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
