Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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