if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I lost the right to judge tonight
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
