I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
