The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This house was built for laser tag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
