Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
