I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
