I showed him my bush... on skype.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
