You're so nebulous sometimes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
