Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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