LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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