My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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