haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's paper in my vomit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
