he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
