Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
