from now on my penis is your penis
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
